How Could This Happen to Me?
by Starlit Revenge
Summary: Continuation of the Outsiders...a "chapter 13" as my English teacher called it. Basically. Ponyboy is severely depressed and becoming suicidal. Mostly thoughts. Songfic to Untitled  How Could This Happen to Me?  by Simple Plan.


So yeah...new story. I actually wrote this for school, but it's pretty good, so I decided to post if on FFNet, with some minor language. I got a 100 on it, by the way. Even though it's really depressing and my English teacher's a generally happy person. And she knows Greek, so I'm hoping to add to my demigod-ness by seeing if she'll teach me...

I'm going to stop ranting now.

So here we go. (Pendragon reference. Oh yeah. I seriously haven't reread those in a while...I should. Nah. Too lazy -_- And I'm reading Ranger's Apprentice at the moment anyway. I seriously need to stop ranting. At least it's not as bad as Shira, who declared my supposed "Amishness"...I'm ranting again.)

Ok, fine. Storytime! XD (That rhymed...O.o)

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><p><em>I open my eyes<em>

_I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light_

_I can't remember how_

_I can't remember why_

_I'm lying here tonight_

I tried to keep going like Darry said. I can't. The pain is just too real still. Maybe I'm just an emotional wreck, but I can't keep doing this.

I pretend nothing's wrong and that I've almost fully recovered from my ordeal. I thought that writing it out would help ease the pain, but it hasn't. It's made it worse.

I couldn't stand it eventually. I ran away again. I try to see the other options but I can't. I just want to die.

So now I'm back at the fountain where this all started. I don't know why I'm here. The moonlight reflecting off the water looks like a white light. But I can still see a faint red bloodstain from that horrible night only weeks ago. I'm drowning in memories. Bad memories.

I can't remember who I am or why I'm here. All I know is pain and suffering.

_And I can't stand the pain_

_And I can't make it go away_

_No I can't stand the pain_

I can't stand it. How am I supposed to live like this? What am I supposed to do?

_How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got nowhere to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

I want to forget the past, but I can't. I'm sick of remembering what happened that night. Every time I see a Soc, I hate them. Every time I go toward the park, I see Bob lying there, dead. I always see Johnny and Dally whenever I stop to think. I thought I could let go.

How could this happen to me?

I can't run away. Dally's gone. He can't help me anymore. And I can't go back to that abandoned church…not even because of the ruins from the fire.

Life continues around me as I try to make something out of my life. What am I supposed to do so I can forget the past? Live like I want to?

_Everybody's screaming_

_I try to make a sound but no one hears me_

_I'm slipping off the edge_

_I'm hanging by a thread_

_I wanna start this over again_

Everyone pretends that I'm fine. I do too. I try to express myself by writing, but it can't come out. Normally that works for me…

I take out a notebook and try to write again, thinking that it might work this time because no one's around me. But as I write, I realize that it's not them. It's me. And the few words I manage to write sound suicidal.

I'm not suicidal, right?

I feel like I'm fading away, lost in my own world. It's like I'm falling off the edge of a cliff into an ocean. But it's an ocean of sadness, misery, and pain.

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered_

_And I can't explain what happened_

_And I can't erase the things that I've done_

_No I can't_

I sit on the edge of the fountain, trying to remember the times before when I was happier. Everything's happened so fast. It hasn't even been a month but I feel several lifetimes older. I never knew being mixed up in murder would do this to me.

I hate myself. I wish I could go back in time and actually be able to live again. I can't erase the pain and the memories.

_How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got no where to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

Sighing, I stand up and walk home. I don't see any way to stop this. I just need a way for it to end. I'm sick of this life. I can't go anywhere, though.

Sometimes I feel my spirit, my soul flying away and watching the empty shell of my body go through life. I feel like that way now. My soul was left behind somewhere during the ordeal. I'm living a nightmare again.

I want to scream out loud so badly, but it's the middle of the night and it would disturb other people. I don't have to put my problems on other people.

I wonder what to do to end the suffering and the depression. I've never had to worry about this before. Jeez, I'm only fourteen!

Even with my mistakes, I thought I could pull through. But now I know that I can't. What the hell do I do now?

_How could this happen to me?_

_I made my mistakes_

_I've got no where to run_

_The night goes on_

_As I'm fading away_

_I'm sick of this life_

_I just wanna scream_

_How could this happen to me_

I feel alone in the world. My spirit is broken. I have no where to go. I'm already half dead and I feel so numb from the pain.

I feel like I'm dying, fading away piece by piece, second by second. That's when I realize an answer to all of this: death. When I die, hopefully my suffering will end. I'm dying slowly inside anyway.

And I thought I wasn't suicidal. Have I really become this low?

How could this happen to me?

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><p>Yay. Totally depressing. Imma cut short this rant and just say...<p>

REVIEW! And give me BACON!


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